Hey all, as I sit here tonight, dwelling on time past, it dawns on me that almost a year has gone by. I can't even believe it. I still have Jeff's obituary sitting on my desk as if it were last week. My life has been in complete upheaval since Jeff's departure. I don't know how many of you know this but Jeff is in part responsible for the happiness that I experience today.
I told Kris that I was leaving him last July and found out almost simultaneously of Jeff's deteriorating condition. It was such a surreal time for me, trying to deal with both. In addition, I had so many people that I loved coming back in to my life after years of separation, both voluntary and involuntary. Some of you that I hold very dear and hadn't seen in so long came back in like a whirlwind, utter disregard for past differences or time spent apart as if not a day had passed. It was this horrifying yet sadly happy time in my life. Being back in Oklahoma made me realize that this is where I needed to be and Jeff gave me an excuse to come here in the first place.
I never went back to Oregon. I am back home, divorced, and happier than I have been in a very long time. My child has adjusted to two homes and her dad and I have both moved on. Life never ceases to amaze me. It isn't perfect. I don't get the pain. I don't understand the loss. I don't know how to explain to my three year old why things can be really super shitty but it is what it is and in every thing that is bad, there is always something good, even if it is just that our friend is in a better place...wherever that may be. I wonder daily but know that some day I will find out first hand. His smile was and still is infectious. I can see it in my mind and it brings a smile to my face as I type.
I love you all. You are amazing people. We are SO lucky. Which brings me to my next question....When are we getting together? Next month at Texoma??
Peace.
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2 comments:
Michelle,
You are a strong woman and have support from probably wonderful people, like yourself.
I may move back to OKC soon as well.
If there is another reunion coming, the lake, I would like to attend.
Yes, it has been a year since the memorial, hoping everyone is taking care and send a shout out to Jeff in your thoughts and prayers.
How is everybody? and what has blessed everyone so far this 2008?
wow!! I just decided to read some of the posts here on this site to soothe myself. It helps so much to hear about all of Jeff's friends and tidbits of your lives. I still hear his voice every day. It's nice. It is comforting. I spoke to Matt recently which was really great. Everyone is such a part of Jeff. His friends meant so much to him........a part of his family. I wish I had known everyone, personally. You are such a part of him. I am sure he was able to relay that to you. His love was magnetic, wasn't it? his mother, donna
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