the wife

Hey Sarah.... I'm glad to see that you have joined this group (that never posts). I clicked on your name and saw your other post about the last few months. I can't begin to tell you how thankful I am that you shared those posts. It was also very difficult to sit there and read what all was going along and how Jeff's cancer was progressing, knowing that he would no longer be with us a few short months after thoses posts were written. It's like watching a re-run that you know the ending to.

Ending......hmmm. It's interesting how I sit here staring at that word. How can I call it the end, when in fact Jeff is still very active in my life and everyone else on this blog. He's here with me now as I'm writing this non-directional post. I can't say a day hasn't gone by that I haven't thought about Jeff looking down and I think, what would Jeff want me to do in this situation. Am I acting as a good person from Jeff's perspective or is he too busy kicking it with the "fat" man (Jerry Garcia).

I think the best part about your posts, are how your day to day lives went while going through this completely fucked up situation. My absolute favorite paragraph is when you are talking about your first Christmas together. My wife and I went through the exact same thing. She was driving herself completely insane by trying to go out and find the absolute perfect gifts for me. You know the ones that when opened, would be accompanied by angels coming down to sing Hallelujah and have lights shining so brightly behind me that she would barely be able to make out my face. At the same time she thought that since we had been together for a year and a half that I should know exactly how her mind worked and would be able to read her so well that I would find the gift that she didn't even know she wanted, but also couldn't see living the rest of her life without it. Ahh, yeah right. The gifts she got me, I can't even remeber and hers, well, it was returned to the store a few days later because she had never wanted it to begin with. But, it was our first really special holiday together and it will always be the most special time I will remember.

I apologive for not calling you or Rex, but I'm never sure what to say. God knows I've thought about calling you guys a hundred times. I think about you, A-Rex and Rex everyday. I hope you and August decide to stick around Oklahoma for awhile and maybe discover a little more about Jeff that you didn't know.

Hope to see you guys soon,

Tyson